Judy invented this sport where she loaded
a herd of cattle onto a cargo plane
and took it up to 18,000 MSL. All
the cows had little parachutes
and matching helmets she crocheted herself.
Judy opened the bay doors; she and the cows
dropped. The object was to rope the steers,
turn her paraglider into a chariot,
and challenge the sun to a race across
the sky. Halfway across, Apollo pulled up
beside her, matching speed. Sneering,
he called her a dryad with a resting pornai face.
This was back before people told him what
they really thought of him, which is not
very often. If he was trying to psych her out,
it didn’t work. This is the Judy who deliberately
defaulted on her business loan, her student loans,
and her credit card. The banks seized her autonomy
as collateral; she got to keep herself but lost
the title. The bank would loan her self out
to weddings, barmitzahs, and Republican
conventions. So Judy did a hostile takeover
of the world’s banking industry through leveraged
buyouts, hacking, blackmail, and a media frenzy.
With Judy in charge, ATMs begged passersby
to take they money they were spitting out
in a continual stream. The Cayman Islands
and Panama were turned into public parks.
Capital gains were paid out in Meals Ready to Eat.
It took seven years to put everything right, but Judy,
worn out and covered in flags, was always
sentimental when it came to herself and her good name.
Sun Racing and Sky Roping never caught on,
though, mostly due to right wing chicken PACs
lobbying against the dental and vision benefits
Judy negotiated for the cows. We’ve all been there.