Walt Whitman was a great master of irony, loving and caustic,

but his tongue-in-cheek description of a landlord “perfect and

unharm’d, every inch as good as myself,” is a fine beginning

to describe the relation between landlord and tenant. Mutual

respect, without the tongue-in-cheek. So, rules that guide

the relationship must be clean and fair:

6. Keys belong to tenant. We will ask
   permission to enter, unless a water heater
   breaks or tenant wields a gun or scimitar.
7. Paintings, sculpture, archival material,
   Turkish rugs, pictures of grandmothers,
   Peanut comics, Post-Its, lists of carry-outs
   are comforting. Remove tacks, fill holes
   when you leave.
8. Feeding squirrels, constructing cabinetry,
   shelves for Top Shelve Weed, cactus
   for backyard planting are not permitted,
   though you may imagine how such items
   might enhance your comfort.
9. We won’t count the number of lights on,
   how many showers you take, if you
   manage waste properly (do not hang
   bed-wetting sheets on rails), but recall
   we pay utilities. Appurtenant thereto:
   cameras on buildings roll every hour.
   Inspectors are not your friends.

Impurity is an irregular exercise, allowed because

we’re human. Late fees, testy correspondence, court dates

are the devil’s work. Voodoo and prayer are medications.